Birdemic: Shock and Terror- The Worst Movie Ever

M here.

Oh my god. I told you yesterday that his was the worst movie that wasn't filmed by Michael Bay, but holy shit, I was wrong.

At least Transformers: Age of Extinction has a valid goddamn plot line.

This movies outshines "Troll 2" in every respect. It puts "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and "The Room" to shame. Imagine a movie that would be created solely to give film students a paper topic on how NOT to make movies. Every conceivable error has been made in making "Birdemic." At first, you simply won't be able to believe that the film is not a spoof. But if you read about the film and about Nguyen, and if you take a few moments to watch the additional material on the DVD, you will soon agree that this was just a misguided effort on the entire production team's part.

The sound is the most outstanding example of sheer incompetence. The director clearly understood what Foley is, since the gunshots have all been added post-production, but I guess they just didn't have the time or money to dub the vast majority of the film after shooting. And it needs it. Badly.

The acting is uniformly terrible. Not bad. Terrible. Alan Bragh doesn't even rise to the level of fourth grade pageants. Whitney Moore is cute as a button and is aided by a bit of camel-toe in at least one scene, but she's the best of a poor lot. All the supporting cast is "give your financial backers a small part" bad.

Other unbelievably awful ideas include:

-It takes 45 minutes until the actual plot begins to develop. By this time, the majority of viewers have fallen asleep or have been ravaged to death by killer birds. 

*crickets*

-The birds. What do they do exactly? Nothing. The birds come down and fly directly in front of the victims face. Then they die for reasons only criminally insane director James Nguyen knows. God help us.

-It's like watching a poorly translated foreign film. "I like you and because you are pretty to me" "I thank you this words they make me happy" "Yaaaaaayyy..."

-I'd like to note that this is the most preachy movie ever made. It's like watching a long episode of NOVA, only with worse filming and Whitney Moore cleavage.

-"The Eagles killed our friends."


Thank you for reading my blog, and, as always, every time you see something stupid, comment it and i'll rant on it. Return tomorrow for a rant about middle school.

M out.